come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I party with great urgency now.
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