I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
