sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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