I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This is my gift to your gina
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
