Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
