I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
