Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just had sex on a roof
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
