Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
