the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
