About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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