my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
accomplished twins. life is a go
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
