Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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