Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
