It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
