Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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