So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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