I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
