Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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