soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
