don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
