I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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