i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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