my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
