Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
