i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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