She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
