you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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