hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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