You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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