I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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