and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you had me at cake vodka
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
