my vag is so smooth its legendary
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
