I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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