Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
