dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
