Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
