We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
