so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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