Three words: puerto rican gang bang
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
