barbara walters just said penis...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
