Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
