you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
