you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
