this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
