I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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