ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
