FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
