I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
