i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
