is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
True strength comes from lack of pants
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
