the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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