she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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