so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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