I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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