Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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