Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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