Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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