mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
