His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
