She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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