the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
