that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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