she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
