can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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