for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
