I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
