I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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