Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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