He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
