Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
