so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
