If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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